They put in all that CGI and I just wanted to die...

Apparently I am becoming quite the Star Wars expert for someone who started studying so late in the game.  For instance, I know that 93% of the men I will be sharing a theatre with at any showing will have split ends for days.  And of that 93%,  85% will be goateed.  And of that 85%,  37% will have fat girlfriends (probably with quirky socks).  The remaining 48% will still be clinging to the commemorative popcorn tins.
I'm also learning that things would be a lot easier if they could've just released these movies in the proper fucking order.  So without further ado--the latest edition of WGW's Star Wars Cliffsnotes...

Rogue One

This one basically follows the same formula as the others--strong willed woman eventually develops a soft spot for some asshole she hates. Tavern scene.  Cheeky robot has all the good comebacks. Only all the creatures look a lot more like venereal disease in this one.
Forest Whitaker clomps and wheezes all around like somebody's halfway house Gramps.
Blind Bruce Lee tries to save Aleppo.
The kid from 'The Night Of' flies everyone in to Vietnam.
Darth Vader is mean.
Pocket protectors are in full effect on all the important uniforms. Is this the case in all of them?  I've never noticed them before.  I guess it takes one under Jimmy Smits' chin for me to pay attention.  Anyway, if I see this look start creeping up on fall runways-I'm out.
And no spoilers--but if you've seen the first one from back when Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford were boffing (which is now technically the fifth one...again, nerd is a serious requirement here) then you pretty much know how it ends.


There. I just saved you two and half hours you could be using on holiday festivities.  It's a public service, really.