Joseph Stalin Malenkov Nasser and Prokofiev...

What a terrifying time to be alive.  The term "in light of recent events" comes to mind.  It's one I've never liked.  If ever I find myself saying those words out loud, they are usually accompanied by sarcastic air quotes.  And adding to the insanity is a heavy funk that settled over me shortly before the media started brainstorming headlines for America's latest bloodbath.  I blame the stifling summer heat and the process of recovery.  But I'm (mostly) over it now.
And today I talked with a friend I've been getting to know over the past couple of months. If you don't already have one, do yourself a favor and get an elderly friend who is not related to you.--  I can call him whenever I like, because his phone rings right to the watch on his wrist. He is a Croatian Jew-like my grandfather, but younger than he would've been.  He introduced himself to me as a world famous artist, which could technically be true--one of his paintings was part of a movie set once.  But now he paints on scraps of tin and sells them at the farmer's market on weekends.
He came to the U.S. to escape communism.  He already had an aunt here, a doctor either in or for the CIA.  I can't quite remember how that story goes.  He tells me that because we are Jewish we are good with money, and so he studied economy.  He invests in the stock market, and nearly all of our conversations start with how much he has lost or gained that day.  He tells me never to buy a house--that as soon as I finish paying for it, I will have to replace the roof.  But aside from that vicious cycle of capitalism, he loves America--and even believes the IRS is honest.  In 2011 he somehow managed to overpay them without knowing.  So they sent him a check for $68.00.  Just like that...
I tell him I worry that Americans will ruin Cuba.  He tells me he would never live there due to the socialism.  He has never come right out and said so, but I get the idea he hates Russians.  He often says to me, "Chairman Mao must be very happy with you."  He always says this with a chuckle, and I never know what he actually means by it.  But it wouldn't be as amusing to either of us if I asked him to explain it.
He jokingly (I think) says he is a proponent of men's rights and laughs at Andrew Jackson for being fired from the $20 bill so they could put a lady there.  He says I should listen to what my husband says.  He tells me that he knows I will make beautiful babies and wants to know when I will have them and fulfill my American duty to make more tax payers.  He says all of this because he currently has to do all of the cooking and cleaning, and laundry and bill paying.  And wheel his wife to the toilet when she's not in the hospital.
And knowing that I am sick sometimes he tells me the old Japanese cure for stomach ailments is Mountain Dew.  I should drink one glass a week. Scientists actually figured out how to make Mountain Dew in pill form, but the soda company wouldn't allow it for obvious monetary reasons.  He also tells me to take acetaminophen while I am young--though he says 'seeveetimen'--otherwise, when I am old my body will pay full price.
Talking with him always puts things in perspective for me.  I'm glad I got to chat today.  Because this weekend I leave the heavy behind and hit the road for a trip up the coast.  And among my stops will be dinner with a NYC police officer and a black man--very likely at the same table.
Maybe all we really need right now is a good Jew and road trip.

40 Acts I Should Be Ashamed Of Myself For Loving

And I Don't Even Care If We Can't be Friends

In no particular order...

1. Matisyahu
2. Anne Murray
3. Diana Ross--the disco records
4. Miley Cyrus
5. Teena Marie
6. They Might Be Giants
7. Marc Anthony
8. Fantasia
9. Kim Wilde
10. DeBarge
11. Something Corporate
12. Ricky Martin
13. T-Rex
14. Suzi Quatro
15. Divinyls
16. Hot Hot Heat
17. Cher Lloyd
18. Sylvia--the singer, not the band
19. The Struts
20. Richard Marx
21. Pantera
22. Plastic Ono Band
23. Muse--This seems like a weird choice for this list, but a lot of self-important music snobs turn their noses up at these guys.
24. Kings of Leon--see above
25. Gerry Rafferty
26. Tyler the Creator
27. Don Johnson--No word of a lie, Don Johnson released a record in 1986.  It was called Heartbeat.  I was 9, so clearly I had to have it. My Dad (who years later bought me a 2 Live Crew cassette) refused to get it for me out of principle, because it was just too ridiculous.  So my grandmother did--she never could say no to a man on a record. Some pretty serious musicians contributed to it, so I stand by my 9 year old music choices.
28. Lady Antebellum
29. The Alan Parsons Project
30. Marilyn Manson
31. Fall Out Boy
32. Poison--'Look What the Cat Dragged In' era. I would make out with every one of those 80s ladies.
33. Rick Astley
34. Charlie XCX
35. Ke$ha--specifically the trashy mess dollar sign version.  I can't get behind the grown up.
36. Bob Seger
37. One Direction
38. Glass Animals--This band is actually on the cool kid list, but if you listen closely, they're really just White Town.  And that is quite embarrassing.
39. Carly Rae Jepsen
40. KISS