I have a confession. I hate weed culture. I know I'm supposed to be one of the cool kids but I just can't get down with fashions and home decor provided by Spencer's Gags & Gifts.
Everybody smokes weed. Every. Body. OK, I actually prefer edibles just because smoking usually makes me cough and the coughing gives me a headache, and then I just end up in bed which is a waste of perfectly good, and sometimes expensive, weed. My point is--that lady at the office in her 60s who still goes on girls' trips with her college friends? She smokes weed. And so do her Clark's sandal wearing friends. That conservative guy in middle management who wears pink polo shirts? He smokes too, and in his day probably did his share of blow around a card table with his boys talking about what bitches they "let" give them head. And anyone wearing a beanie inside a building in April (who isn't a Jew or a Muslim) is smoking weed right. fucking. now. So I don't care about your THC themed t-shirts or the pot leaves on your ball cap. I get it, you're grown, so you probably smoke weed. Which is mostly legal now anyway. I can walk around in Washington D.C with two ounces right now. I don't need Afroman in my earbuds to do it.
I was acquainted with a couple who got married on a Thursday. They got married on a Thursday because it was 4/20. They were both fat. The bride always wore pigtails. And the groom had a very sketchy tooth rotting situation. So these are the kind of people who celebrate 4/20. Do you want them to be your people? I didn't think so.
If you really want to be out and proud about your extra-curriculars, what you really need to do is get yourself a collection of faux white guy reggae. Because nothing says "I'm totally counter-culture and edgy because I know what marijuana is" like a bunch of translucent complected 24 year old guys from Huntington Beach wearing bajas and trying for dreads. I got talked into going to a 311 concert once (I don't know if they're from Huntington Beach, but same schlock...) and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Including the time I had to sit through Counting Crows and Fiona Apple with the flu.
I can't even get started on black lights. So I won't.
This is why I think my favorite pot smokers are the ones who roll joints in secret in the bathroom when their toddlers go to bed. They don't advertise--although most parents of toddlers still have to make questionable music choices. Actually there is an exception to this. I had a childhood friend who's weird bandana wearing step dad smoked in secret--obviously, because step dad. I didn't know that's what he was doing, but he would sneak off in the evenings and hang out in his bedroom. One night my friend's baby sister barged in on him, and I went chasing after her. There he was, enjoying his evening toke. Startled by all the commotion, he started coughing violently and swung around to face us. And his penis fell out of his out-dated shorty shorts.
Basically what I'm trying to say is, I hate weed culture.
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